Townes Van Zandt's "Waiting Around to Die"--A Dance with Death
Townes Van Zandt is the anti-John Denver. Both countrified folky types came of age around the same time–the early 70’s–in a wave of singer-songwriters following in the footsteps of Dylan and other 60’s troubadours. But where Denver is ceaselessly sentimental and sunny-optimistic, Van Zandt’s songs are down-spirited and caustic. You can bet who I prefer. I do nurse fond memories of listening to “Take Me Home Country Road” as a cheery ode to rural life–not to mention the Baltimore Orioles 7th inning stretch song “Thank God I’m a Country Boy.” However, I will take Van Zandt’s blues-inflected ballads any day of the week. This is a Cormac McCarthy brand of country music. This is proto alt country territory with a clear Johnny Cash stamp.
On the seamless self-titled album Townes Van Zandt from 1969 each and every song is a winner, but my favorite still has to be “Waiting Around to Die,” perhaps Van Zandt’s best known tune. This song is the counterpoint to “Sunshine on My Shoulder” by Denver, which relishes in the simple pleasures but is laden by dated-sounding syrupy overproduction. Van Zandt’s gritty song, instead, acknowledges the constant presence of death. The song’s arc proceeds from resisting death (through ramblin’ and booze) to eventually giving into it (codeine). This song acknowledges all options on the table. Death is the antagonist here and the speaker dances with him throughout the years cataloged by Van Zandt’s lyrics and emphasized by the catch in his delivery, a half-yodel.
“Waiting Around to Die '' is not so much a short story as much as it is a mini-novel. The protagonist tries to avoid waiting around to die. First he is young, raised by a brute of a father who beat the protagonist’s mother so much that she fled town. Then he falls into a life of sin, gambling and rambling and drinking. He tries engaging in a poor relationship which quickly fails, and to rub salt into the wound, the woman took advantage of him. Forlorn, the speaker hits the road and robbed a man, but he is caught and arrested and jailed. Nothing worked out the way he wanted and his frail attempts at something like positivity fell short; despite himself he ended up incarcerated–truly waiting around to die. Even after he is released from jail our hero creates a new prison–that of drug addiction. He replaces one trap for another. The song almost suggests that certain fates cannot be avoided. Perhaps our efforts are all for naught and we should simply accept the hand dealt to us by the universe, “Waiting Around to Die '' contemplates. Fortune does not smile kindly upon some.
As bleak as this ballad seems, it is also universal–a kind of meditation on the real presence of death in our lives, despite our attempt to overcome it or ignore it or pretend it doesn’t exist. There is a push and pull to the events of the speaker’s life. He is challenged by those opposed to his health and success to rise to the occasion. However, rather than attempt to do so this figure would rather give up and give in to the pressures which confront him. Although it is tempting to brand him a quitter, faced with such odds at a young age this song suggests a realistic journey. Those who are victimized by abuse and neglect as children have a rough road to hoe, the song suggests. He is not able to transcend his rough starting point. Van Zandt’s depiction is an unflinching portrait of such a tragedy–from one who himself died far too young at age 52.
Ultimately “Waiting Around to Die” suggests the emptiness of external solutions to inner turmoil. The tortured hero of this song is not able to reconcile what he feels with how he should act in the world. Isn’t this the problem we all have? We see ourselves one way but the world often reflects a funhouse mirror version of this. “To thine own self be true,” indeed. But what if our self is a void? What if it is just dry air whistling through a crack in the door? “Waiting Around to Die” explores this thought experiment. The results are not pretty.